so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
