Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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