John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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