Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
