i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
