I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wear drunk well.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
