He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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