This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
