I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
