Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
