Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
