Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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