Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
