I can text with my tongue
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
