hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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