where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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