good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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