Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
