Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize