is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
