I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
