my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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