Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
