He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
