"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
