I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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