Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
