my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
