i permit you to call me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
