i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
