Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
