i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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