toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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