Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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