My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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