No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
