Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i came on her dog
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
