Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
