He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We're too hungover to prance.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
