does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
