I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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