Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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