they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
