Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
