all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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