Three words: puerto rican gang bang
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
