Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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