Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
