i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
