Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
