do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
