She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
