can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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