so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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