my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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