I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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