if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
