Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
