you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
