you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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