so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
