so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
