that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
