Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
