You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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