I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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