Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
