Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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