no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize